Brenda Nicholson

Imperfect, Dysfunctional, and Low Self-Esteem? How to Dig Yourself Out

Hello, fellow imperfect person.

You are joined by everyone else on the planet in being imperfect. Sorry — this is not an exclusive club. But you do get points for trying so hard to be perfect that you sometimes feel like a complete failure.

Before you go blaming yourself — it’s not your fault.

Many perfectionists got their start in childhood. Maybe your parents were always critical, or you are a sensitive person who takes things to heart. Maybe both.

The underlying motivation behind perfectionism is fear.

Trying to be perfect and always failing leads to low self-esteem. Not the way to live your life.

You need to learn to be more gentle with yourself, but how?

A good start is to look at how perfectionism is affecting your life. Are you anxious or depressed? That’s likely tied to your perfectionism.

Examine your thoughts. Are they realistic? Are you trying to prove something to someone?

Why are you trying so hard?

What are the benefits of trying to be perfect?

I bet you can’t find one.

I know this is hard, but try to relax and embrace the chaos and mess. Don’t put things off, waiting for the right time. Do them now. Remember done is better than perfect.

Start with small steps. A little mess or imperfection at a time.

Learn to be mindful. In the present moment, you can recognize your perfectionism and take the time to choose differently.

See mistakes as teaching moments.

Take it slow, but keep going.

Average is a good place to be.

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